


A Long Battle

by BARAGRIMOIRE



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Gay Steve Rogers, Implied Sexual Content, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 14:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18780412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BARAGRIMOIRE/pseuds/BARAGRIMOIRE
Summary: Steve learns lots of things in the 21st century, including things about himself. (AU that's pretty similar to canon, with some changes here and there. Goes up to post Winter Soldier, pre Infinity War.)





	A Long Battle

**Author's Note:**

> Second fic! It took a while to write, though I'm content with it, considering I've only watched the Captain America movies + Infinity War. I also might be projecting a little on Steve, but hey, we all project a little when given the chance. And a music rec! This time, it's The Battle of Guazzam - https://youtu.be/4RdnqnLQ2X0 Listened to this bad boy the entire time I was writing this fic! I also only proof read this, so there might be a few errors here and there.

Being in the 21st century meant Steve had lots to learn. It could be overwhelming at times, but was so interesting nonetheless. In all honesty, he kinda expected more. He remembers Howard's genius and his inventions, and felt like things would be more technologically advanced. That isn't too say he wasn't impressed with the advancements that had been made, because he was impressed with the advancements made during his ice induced slumber.

 

Not only did the technological advancements amaze him, but the social advancements astounded him. He did not think he'd live long enough to see the world reach such acceptance for people who were different. It filled him with warm joy to be able to see it, although he knows that the world could still be more accepting. He learned of the history that passed while he was gone, of social movements, of unfortunate events, of cowardice, and of bravery that made the world what it was. He knew that today won't be perfect, and neither will tomorrow, but he knew that with hope, effort, and action, tomorrow can at least be better.

 

He knew this all those years ago when he was still a scrawny, sickly kid from Brooklyn. It's why he always tried to help those in need, despite his afflictions, and it's why he still helped as he could. Racial equality, gender equality, sexual equality, if would help make the world a better place, he'd show his support.

 

His body may have been weak all those years ago, but he wouldn't allow his heart, soul, or mind to be weak. That strength was seen in him long ago, and still piloted him well after the serum, and we'll into a new world. And since, he had always managed to keep himself strong in every way he could. He was an inspiration, and had to remain strong to inspire and to keep the inspired, inspired.

 

But recently, something caused that eternal strength to falter, the same thing that caused it to falter once before: his friend. Bucky Barnes. His “death” caused him a great deal of pain that never truly subsided. And now Bucky would make him falter once again. He was alive, but unwell. Steve had to see his closest friend under the control of an enemy he thought he had destroyed. To add insult to injury, he had to see his friend kill innocent people. He had to fight and hurt his friend.

 

Every hit he took from Bucky pierced the core of his very being, causing it to recoil and shake in the agony of sadness. Every hit he threw at Bucky hurt every fiber of his body, like burning tears relentlessly striking his body and dragging him down into further despair. His eyes lacked the life they once held. They held an empty but violent disposition that, sometimes, would look confused and seemed to beg for help. He had always wished that Bucky had lived, and he got his wish. All he can do was hope and put all the fucking effort he fucking could into saving his god-damned best friend.

 

After the dust had settled, as much as it could anyway, after the schism of the Avengers, he began to regain some of his strength. In addition to worrying about Bucky's brainwashing, he began to think more about himself and more and more about Bucky and his relationship with him. He knew that they were friends and liked him as such, but he wondered liked Bucky as more than a friend.

 

Back then, he wouldn't have even considered this. Even if he would have liked to. Whether he would admit it or not, he was made to be a weapon. Enhanced to kill evil, and to protect and serve the good. He did it very well, but not even the merit of his heroic actions and status as Captain America would protect him from the backlash. Everyone is bound by the harsh rules of society, even super star super soldiers.

 

Fortunately, this was not the 1930/40’s. This was the 21st century and Steve was grateful for this future society and it's generally kinder rules.

 

But, he wondered if Bucky would or could even like him back in such a way. Steve eventually decided that his priority would be undoing HYDRA's brainwashing and conditioning. He could think about his feelings about Bucky later. Completing his his second priority would help with that anyways.

 

His second priority? Answering a question: 'Am I a homosexual?’ He thought about it long and hard during the free time he had since the last fight with Tony.

 

He wanted to blame Tony and call him irrational for his actions: the accord and wanting to hurt his friend. He didn't blame him entirely though. He was doing what he thought was right and best, same as him. And even if Bucky was brainwashed to kill Tony's parents and couldn't really be held accountable, he imagines it can't be easy to like the guy who killed you parents and let him walk free, even if said guy was brainwashed and a friend of Captain America. Tony associated Bucky with the direct murder of his parents. Steve associated Bucky with so many positive memories. Associations are the building blocks of the mind, and are hard to break, so Steve can't bring himself to be truly mad at Tony.

 

Tony Stark aside, Steve spent a lot of nights thinking about himself being gay. He grew up being taught that boys end up with girls, and that girls and up with boys, as most people were. Anything else would be wrong. He knew better now and didn’t apply this cruel and unfortunate concept to others, but it was still hard to abandon applying this to himself.

 

Other concepts were easy to take up in the kinder world since had experience from the past he could apply to them, like Peggy and the Howling Commandos, and he didn't have to consider himself for those those topics.

 

But thinking about himself being a homosexual meant he _had_ to consider himself. He had heard stories of older people realizing that they weren't what they thought they were and went to live a happier life knowing more about themselves. He was technically and older person, so he knows that him being gay is a real possibility and is alright, but he still couldn't shake the odd feeling.

 

Eventually, he remembers a concept called _internalized homophobia_. He remembered the gist of it and figured it applied to him since he hit most the marks. His feelings about Bucky and the thoughts he had about guys in general also made more sense considering he was gay. Guess he liked drawing hot guys more than hot dames because he wanted to look like them. The thoughts Thor made him think with his literally divine body made him want to get on his knees. To pray, of course. And if it weren't for his anxiety and the Hulk situation, he'd wonder why Bruce was still single. The guy was absolute boyfriend material. Those thoughts should've been dead giveaways, since no straight guy would think about what kissing another guy's lips would feel like, or daydream about them like a schoolgirl with her first crush. Clint was taken, ‘undoubtedly sexy,’ as Steve thought at one point, but taken. Sam's kindness and devotion always gave him a warm feeling. And the guilt behind some of those nights with the Commandos also began to make sense. Like those not so brotherly feelings he got the time they drunkenly played spin the bottle and dragged poor ol’ sober Stevie to play. Now that he thinks about it, half of 'em probably weren't straight either. Shame they probably never figured that out. So. That settled that for him. He decided he was into guys. A lot more than he thought. The confirmation felt liberating, and constricting.

 

Coincidentally, he made that discovery the night he and Bucky had to share a bed. Not unusual or new for them. Times were tough back in the day, so sharing a bed was not uncommon. Steve, on his back and on the verge of sleep, realized that Bucky was clinging to his arm and using his biceps like a pillow. He always figured that having a bigger body would be nice.

 

Bucky looked at peace. Steve was glad that he was able to bring him some comfort in kinder world that managed to be as harsh, maybe even harsher, than ever. He also found it adorable that Bucky fell asleep on his arm. He tried to enjoy these gay thoughts. It felt nice, but guilt still lingered like the ringing of a bell that penetrated your bones, leaving the residue of its reverberations within.

 

‘So much for thinking about my love for him later.’ he reprimanded to himself.

 

For a bit of time, Steve was content with this knowledge, but eventually began to wonder what this meant about him and women. He knew he could like guys and gals, but he pondered if he really did. He considered Peggy. He knew he cared for her, but was it the product of _love_ love, or something akin to companionship. _Compulsory Heterosexuality_ was the term he was looking for, but didn't remember it until a few days later. It made sense, but he still couldn't really be sure. It's not like he had much experience with the ladies.

 

As a result, he decided that he didn't have enough experience to decide if he could love a woman like that. After all, even if Bucky don't swing his way, he's content enough basking in his presence on his good days, and content enough to be there for him on his bad days, knowing he's helping his best friend.

 

So naturally, he was eternally grateful when Wakanda offered amnesty and an offer to help cure Bucky. It pained him a little, but he and Bucky split ways. Steve couldn't leave his friends high and dry, and knew Bucky was in good hands. Wakanda is what he imagined the future would be like, and had seen the Black Panther in action, so he doesn't doubt that they can help Bucky where he couldn't. “They're truly kind people.” he had told Bucky before they went their separate ways.

 

During their separation, Steve realized he wasn't into women. All those kisses he received from the ladies on his trips to sell bonds didn't make him feel much, despite having wanted them at one point. And he never went too out of his way to kiss a dame. He remembers the time Peggy caught that secretary kissing him, and boy did she get mad. He can't say he enjoyed kissing that secretary. But, he was glad that Peggy moved on from him. He then realized that it wasn't that he wanted her to marry her and stuff, it's that he wanted a friend, but since society had told him boys and girls end up together, he latched onto the first gal that respected him and gave him some of her time. He couldn't have known better when he kissed her and didn't notice that it didn't feel different from any of the other kisses from women he had gotten before. He does notice how he doesn't feel much when he gets that kiss in front of Bucky and Sam. Just thinking about holding hands with a guy made him feel more, even if what he felt wasn't always entirely good.

 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and god did Steve's heart grow fonder. It was also during this separation that Steve fully realized how much he loved and cared for Bucky. He cherished those nights they spent alone together in their apartment back then. He realized that Bucky was the only one to ever truly weaken him. When he thought Bucky died on that mountain, it hit him like nothing he ever felt or would ever feel. It created a void in him that emanated emptiness through his body. And that only began to slightly heal a while after he awoke from being on ice.

 

Seeing him suffer at the hands of HYDRA broke him in ways he didn't think one could break. He realized that Bucky caused him to do some crazy things too. The mere chance of him being alive swayed him to storm a HYDRA base essentially alone. He caused him to go against entire governments for his safety. Needless to say, he'd move mountains for Bucky through sheer willpower and love if he needed to. So by all means, he was in love with Bucky. This acceptance of his feelings for Bucky both terrified, and invigorated him

 

-

 

During his winter soldier episodes, the sight of Steve would trigger immense confusion and dissonance. HYDRA's programming told him to fight and kill this enemy, but something in him told him “No.” That voice only had enough strength to break through for only mere seconds at a time.

 

Even once he managed to loosen HYDRA's grip on him, his memories of the past we're still jumbled up, only appearing in snapshots, blurred like a static fuzz, and only sometimes came with sound. Even then the sound was often distorted. Despite this, he felt that he could trust Steve. The more time he spent around him, the clearer his memories would become. Steve was able to help him jog his memory and remembered more about his past prior to his capture. He appreciated Steve not holding back and telling him about the not so fond memories as well.

 

Eventually, he regained most of his prior memories, but the memories of the Winter Soldier and the torture he endured seemed to haunt him in every hour of the day. They attacked him in his sleep with their innocent screams shooting through his soul, and their useless struggling clinging to him like inescapable tendrils, creating a fear inducing vice. They sought him out in quiet moments, dragging him down with overwhelming sadness and heavy guilt that could bring him to tears, trembling on his knees on the worst occasions. As time progressed, things became a little easier.

 

To help pass the time, he also got Steve to tell him more about the grand world they now lived in. He learned more or less what Steve learned: this place was at least better than the past. Kinder. However, there was one thing that caught his attention. When Steve mentioned that being gay was more acceptable, he noticed a shift in him. His face suggested contemplation, and quickly tried to hide it, but by that point, nothing about little old Stevie would get past him. He decided to ask more about it to see if he could get more information out of him. It wouldn't be the the first time he asked more questions, so it wouldn't seem suspicious. He concluded that Steve was definitely into guys. He could read the poor guy like an open book, though Bucky wouldn't confront him about it. He figured Steve would tell him in due time.

 

But Steve's words got him thinking: was he into guys? He knew he was into ladies. Liked the way they walked, some swaying their hips side to side, some filling each step with precise purpose, liked the way they talked, some quiet and soft, some lively and bubbly, and liked the way they sometimes made him feel warm in his heart. He remembers that feeling from his steadier relationships.

 

Though he knew he wasn't getting back into the dating scene anytime soon, the question was a fun one to entertain and would kill some time. He wondered, did he like they ways guys talked, the way they talked, and the way they would make him feel at times?

 

He remembers enlisting and seeing the guys march with the backs straight, chest out, and shoulders back. He found himself staring more times than he'd like to admit. He thanked god shorts weren't part of any of the uniforms. A guy's thick thighs would have been too irresistible to not stare at, and he surely would have been caught staring too intently then.

 

He remembers listening to guys speaking while he was smoking and getting lost in their deep voice sometimes. Women’s voices had their charms that made him wish he had a wife so he could come home to hear her voice everyday. But men had a different charm. Their often deeper melodies made him melt. The guys with softer voices would fill his body with a warm, calm feeling. It was easy for him to get lost in a guy's voice. Point is, he likes voices. A lot.  

 

Then he remembers the way men could make him feel. A genuine bout of appreciation from a buddy of his, usually Steve, also always made his heart sing a little. Being bossed around in the army made him feel some things he'd never speak of out loud. Ok so maybe he was into guys too. _Bisexual_ , Steve had mentioned in one of their learning lessons. Bisexual is what he decided he was, and he wasn't going to feel guilty or ashamed about it. He already had enough shame and guilt, and wasn't going to feel any more of it if he could help it.

 

It was at this point that he began to think of Steve a lot more in many different ways. That scrawny, asthmatic punk had a tighter grip on him than he had realized. He remembers his concern when he had to help Steve's punk ass out of a fight. It was a level of concern that seemed to be reserved exclusively for Steve. He remembers staring at Steve for hours while he drew, and feeling content watching him, and sometimes gleefully agreeing to model for him. His voice made him feel warmer than a perfect summer day. He remembers wishing so desperately that he could stop Steve's pain when his mother died. He would've done anything if it meant Steve wouldn't have to hurt.

 

Absence can also make the heart forgetful, and during his time enlisted away from Steve, Bucky forgot how much he needed him. He wanted to hear his voice, wanted to be able to watch him draw, and wanted to feel the warmth his presence gave him. Even during his fall on that mountain, Steve was on his mind. He was happy the last face he saw would be Steve's, and only regretted not being able to spend more time with him and see him happier. He thought about the things he'd miss. He'd miss being the best man at Steve's wedding, miss having kids that would grow up with Steve's kids and be best friends like him and Steve, miss way Steve made him feel. God he was so in love with Steve then and didn't even realize it. He didn't want to be Steve's best man, he to be the one to marry Steve. He wanted to raise kids with Steve that would be _their_ kids. He wanted to be the one that Steve would give a warm, fuzzy feeling, and wanted to be the one that would give Steve that warm, fuzzy feeling.

 

Those realizations came to him one night when he woke up, unable to stay asleep. He found himself resting on Steve's arm, using his biceps as a pillow. Despite how uncomfortable it might have been, he looked calm and soft asleep in the moonlight filtering in. Besides, he smelled nice and didn't want to stir Steve up with his movement. It almost felt like a dream to be able to be so close to him. He wondered what his lips would feel like, and had half a mind to kiss him on his punk lips then and there. It was that thought that sent forth the avalanche of realizations: that he is in love with Steve.

 

Temporarily parting ways in Wakanda pained him a little, but Bucky knew it would be for the best. He could get a new arm and fully undo HYDRA's brainwashing. Wakanda was unlike anywhere else on Earth. It's unique and beautiful architecture was like a painting he could stare at in awe forever. And there was something special about the sun's rays there. They felt warmer and reinvigorating. They weren't lying about the sunset either. Bucky had no words to describe its beauty. He could only admire it in a peaceful quiet.

 

For sometime, he stayed and helped take care of some ofthe goats. He had spent so much time taking life away, so actually nurturing life for once made him feel like there was more to the world than killing an enemy. As much as he loved Steve, he knew he would need more in his life than him to heal and grow. He felt that Wakanda and its people were too kind to him.

 

Shuri was a kind girl, smarter than he could very hope to be. Calling her the most intelligent person to have ever lived would not be an understatement, which is why, despite his stoicism, he couldn't hide the fact that he was in love with Steve from her. She caught him in the middle of some deep thinking one day, and asked what was on his mind. He trusted her, so he told her, “Love.”

 

“Let me guess,” she said looking up quizzically, “Steve Rogers.” Her quick and confident response surprised him. “Maybe…” he replied rather embarrassed. “Yes,” he admitted to her, “but I just… don't know how to tell him. I'm pretty sure he's into guys too, but I don't want to ruin what we have. After so much trouble, we're finally back to being friends like old times. I don't want either me or him to lose this closeness we have over my selfish feelings. I know there is more to the world than just falling in love, but my love for him means the world to me.”

 

“You've got it pretty bad old man. And here I thought I could come here and escape having to listening to someone's tooth rottenly sweet love life.” she joked with a small laugh. “But listen, we all live such short lives, which is why we must live them to the fullest. It's why I'm here. I wanted to learn so much so I could help my brother and my country, and soon I will even help the world. But that isn't all. I expanded my knowledge even more because I wanted to learn more. Learning how this world works and applying this knowledge fills me with such joy. And you must do what will allow you to live you life to the fullest, with as much joy as possible.”

 

He realized she was right. “Thank you. I think I'll know what I'll do when I see him again.” He really couldn't thank the young genius enough.

 

-

 

In truth, Steve never really got used to having so much attention, so having everyone tell him to confess to Bucky after escaping the Raft made him feel pretty awkward. “Do it! Do it! Do it!” They all chanted in chorus as he lowered his head in embarrassment.

 

“Think about it. Worst case scenario, things just get a little awkward between you to and kinda drift away from each other. Best case scenario, you two end up hitched and live happy ever after!”, Scott told him. That didn't really help.

 

“Steve, you've loved the dude forever, and chances are, he's loved you forever too. You've seen the way he gets around you and the way you make him feel. And even if he doesn't like you like that, I'm sure he'll still respect you and care about you just the same.” Sam's words helped a little.

 

“Yeah. It doesn't take a psychic to see how close you too are. I'm sure things will end well if you tell him.” Wanda's words made him feel a bit more confident.

 

“And besides, you're, like, what, 35 ish? You could stand to lose your virginity.” Clint's words killed him upon hearing them..

 

“Oh my god…” he said quietly as he lowered his head in embarrassment, covering his blushing face with his hands.

 

“Hold up, hold up, hold up. You mean to tell me that this fucker, Captain fucking America, is a virgin???” Steve began to wonder why he went to save them.

 

“Yup. And don't call Captain America a fucker. It's inaccurate. Show some respect.” Clint said with a sly smile. Steve was beginning to question his life choices. He pondered what would have happened if he just left Clint on the Raft.

 

“How do you even know?” To say he was grateful for Wanda and her curiosity would be a lie. He wish he signed those Sokovia Accords when he had the chance so that the conversation wouldn't be happening.

 

“Me and Natasha we're having a conversation, one thing led to another, and I found out he really is a perfect little boy scout. Nat knows all sorts of things.” If she was caught, he knew he wasn't going to risk breaking her out.

 

“Hey it's no big deal that he hasn't gotten laid. Life happens.” He was grateful for Sam though.

 

“I should have left all of you on that island... Except for you Sam.”

 

“Aww come on, you know you like us all.” Scott said as he put his hand on Steve's shoulder, only to meet the meanest look he's ever gotten and feel a fear he had never felt before. Seeing the look on his face made him chuckle a little. “Yeah, I do.” He said as he exhaled, shaking his head with a little smile on his face.

 

Against all odds, he felt that this conversation is what he needed. He needed to be reminded that life is more than just fighting to protect, that it's also about living to have some fun and having dumb and silly moments with people you care about, even if it's at your own expense. So that settled it for him. Once they arrived in Wakanda, he would tell Bucky he loves him and they'd have some fun and have some dumb and silly moments and live in the now from time to time.

 

-

 

After a warm welcome from T'Challa, he went to go find Bucky while his friends were given a grand tour of Wakanda during it's beautiful sunset. After being given some directions, he found him in one of Shuri's labs, helping her test some training bots and their AI. She figured getting direct data from a fighting style that wasn't any of the usual Wakandan styles would be beneficial. Bucky was glad to help, and didn't want to get rusty anyways. It would also help him grow more accustomed to his new arm.

 

He noticed Steve, sporting the facial hair of a beard that was beginning to grow, just after he finished a round with a bot. Bucky felt hot enough as is, and the seeing the sexy facial hair on Steve wasn't helping that go down anytime soon. Those bots were tough though. He went in with a perfectly dry shirt, but after the first few rounds, it was dripping with sweat and clung to him like it was holding on for dear life. And god did Steve think he looked hot. He could feel a blush creeping across his face.

 

“I'd pull you in for a hug punk, but I'm sure you don't want your clothes full of sweat, or your fancy facial hair. I believe that goes against the dress code soldier.”

 

“C’mere jerk. I've been through worse.” he said as he went in for a hug. It felt nice to be so close to him again, but that sweat was no joke. He'd need a change of clothes since the ones he had on we're definitely soiled now. As they parted, he saw a smile on his face that warmed his heart. God he was in love with Bucky. “You look good.” was all he could manage to say. “You sayin I looked ugly before punk? I'll have you know that James Buchanan Barnes doesn't do ugly.” He said with a light hearted tone and a smile on his face. Steve replied with a laugh. “I don't know, there was that one haircut you got in high school... I'm joking,” he said with a laugh, “you've always looked good. But you do look happier and more at peace.”

 

“Thanks. I didn't do it alone though. I got some goats and the smart scientist in the world to thank.”

 

“Goats?”

 

“Yes, goats. Mr. Barnes has been helping raise some of the goats here. He's told me he finds it therapeutic.”

 

“It is. It feels refreshing to something nurturing for once. I could show you them sometime. You'd probably like it too. I even got to name one of them! I named him ‘Punk’, after you.”

 

As he was talking, Steve noticed Bucky's expression soften, and saw him smile a smile warm with enthusiasm. He found it cute, but more importantly, he was happy that Bucky was able to find something that made his life happy like that. He wanted to be a part of that happiness more than ever.

 

“I'd love to.” he said softly. That softness made Bucky's heart melt.

 

“But before you two go, I was wondering if you too could help me test for one more round. I'd like to see how it would do in a two-on-one against your fighting styles.” Naturally, the both agreed. They were gonna need a shower anyways and one round wouldn't hurt.

 

It did hurt when he was _booty bumped_ , of all things mid flip and ended up landing on his ass. He heard Shuri giggle. He admits, watching Captain America get booty bumped to the floor onto his ass with a yelp would be a funny sight. It stopped being funny to him when Bucky, caught off guard by the hilarious sight, was then thrown at him, causing Bucky to land on him. Bucky ended up right on top of him. They laid on the floor hip to hip, chest to chest, face to face with mere inches apart, incredibly and eroticly close, staring into each other's eyes.

 

“Training over!” she said barely containing her laughter. The irony almost was too much to bear. They didn't notice her struggle to keep herself together as they got up, faces red from embarrassment rather than training. “I'll treat you two and your friends to dinner tonight as thanks. And Mr. Rogers, before you go, I'd like to speak with you real quick.”

 

“Sure. Whatever you need.” he said as she was telling Bucky, on his way out to a shower, where to meet up.

 

As she turned around to face him, she said, “You have got it sooooo bad”

 

“That obvious huh…” He was hoping Bucky didn't notice. He didn't want to ruin their friendship. Part of him still made him feel guilty about these feelings, causing him to not want to deal with them at all.

 

“Mr. Rogers I can tell that he loves you just the same. He hasn't told me, but I can tell.” She wasn't going to tell him that he told her he loved him of course. She didn't want to spoil the surprise. “I saw how his face lit up when he talked about you, and now that I see him here with you, I know that that man loves you more than anything. And I have the suspicion that there will be an error in the AI that will require me and your friends to skip dinner tonight.” She said with a smirk.

 

“Thank you, Princess Shuri.” Tonight would be the night.

 

“You're welcome.” she replied. As he went out the door, she erupted in laughter. That scene earlier was too good! The irony! The undeniable tension! Oh those poor, old fools.

 

-

 

After getting dressed after his shower and on his way to dinner, Bucky ran into Sam and Clint in the hall. He remembers them from their little adventure.

 

“Nice to see you two alive and well.”

 

“Nice to see you alive and kicking too. You look better.” Clint told him.

 

“Sayin I was ugly before?”

 

“W-well no I-it was just-”

 

Bucky laughed. “Steve told me the same thing earlier. I told him the same thing.”

 

“Speaking of Steve,” Sam began, “what was he like in the past, you know, before all this? Was he any different?”

 

“Ha! He hasn't changed much. He was a little punk before he the serum, and still is. I remember how his scrawny, little, asthmatic ass would always get into so many fights. He was too kind to let people do bad things and just stand there while it happened. We would patch each other up after I had to jump in and help him end the fight. Thing was too scared to talk to a dame but would start a fight in a heartbeat and fake his information on the papers for the enlistment four times without a second thought. He stormed a HYDRA base alone to save me and the other prisoners. He stormed the Raft just to get you all out. We've done a lot for each other. But as you can see, he hasn't changed much.”

 

“Wow. I'd ask if you miss the old him, but it looks like he never left. Must be nice to have someone who understands you so well.” Clint said.

 

“It's what friends are for.”

 

“But aren't you two more than friends?” Sam questioned.

 

“W-what?!? No! I mean we're close and all, but it's not like that!”

 

“Bucky, we know we _all_ know you two have it bad for each other. It's in every word and every look you two give each other. Listen, a certain Wakandan princess told a little birdie to tell you that it's just gonna be you and Steve at that dinner tonight. Now is your chance man! Tell him under the Wakandan night sky and be free!” Sam was getting him pumped up now!

 

“And if I were you, I wouldn't be worried. That man obviously loves you. You two have been through thick and thin, and always will. Make the first move too. He'll love that. Tell him you love him first, so you can tell him how much you love him! Hell! Kiss him first! You know you've wanted to do it for so long, and think about how happy it’ll make Steve that his 'best friend’ loves him back and kissed him first!” He knew that Clint was making some goooood points and, and was getting more pumped up.

 

“You know what? You guys are right! I'm gonna tell that punk I love him and kiss him then and there!” Bucky said as he stood up.

 

“YEAH!!! GET YOUR MAN!!!” Sam and Clint shouted in unison as he walked to his “date.”

 

“We are soooo winning this bet.” Sam said once Bucky was out of earshot.

 

“Definitely.”

 

“Come on, let's go meet up with the others.”

 

-

 

Steve arrived to find Bucky sitting at one of the outdoor tables. It was a good choice. The stars were beautiful and the air was refreshingly cool. Steve felt like it would be the perfect place to tell him. He and Bucky would be the only ones in the outside dining area, so it'd be quiet and romantic. Before entering the building, he took a deep breath. “No time like the present..” he said putting his game face on. He followed Shuri's instructions for the reservation and sat across from Bucky. The table seemed kind of small, but hey, a table's a table. It would suffice

 

“Hey cutie, looks like it'll be just us two huh?” Cutie? Steve knew he was getting brave with that. Real brave. But it felt good. Exhilarating. _Right,_ even _._

 

Steve? Calling him a cutie? Hearing those words come out of his mouth made Bucky's heart flutter. But two could play that game. “Sure is just us two, handsome.” he said rather seductively. “Sam called me earlier and told me that something was up with the training bots and got Sam, Wanda, Clint, and Scott to help. Said that Shuri figured we'd be beat from earlier.

 

Bucky calling him handsome in that tone should've been classified as a weapon. The words struck him through his heart, making it skip a beat and his face flush with embarrassment. God what he wouldn't give for Bucky to do that again though. “Yeah, that's what she told me before I got here. She said it would be a good chance to collect data on them anyways. So, how have things been here?”, he said just as the waiter came to greet them and take their order.

 

“Things have been wonderful, as you can tell. New arm, no hydra brainwashing, and a good dinner coming up with my favorite guy in the world. And the last problem was solved pretty recently.”  

 

“And what was the problem?”

 

“Me missing you.”

 

‘Is he _trying_ to kill me?’ Steve thought.

 

“Your dinner.”, the waiter said, placing down their food and drinks.

 

“ThAnK You.” He said as the waiter walked away. 'Did my voice just fucking crack?’ he thought as he quickly covered his mouth with his hands as the blush spread across his face again.

 

Once the waiter went back inside Bucky was laughing his ass off so hard he had tears forming in the corners of his eyes! He hadn't heard Steve's voice crack so bad since he hit puberty! It was funny when he was a stick of a figure kid, and was even funnier now that he was a beefy, grown man. He was never gonna let Steve live this down.

 

But Steve looked at Bucky, realized he hadn't seen Bucky laugh so hard or smile so big in such a long time. Hearing this laugh and seeing this smile again filled him with such bliss that he forgot about his own embarrassment.

  
  


“Because..”, he started as Bucky's laugh died down. ‘It’s now or never Rogers.’ “Because I love you.”

 

-

 

Meanwhile, after Steve and Bucky left the restaurant, Shuri, Scott, and Wanda were celebrating their victory, with Scott and Wanda rubbing it in Clint and Sam's faces. Getting to take Sam and Clint's dessert for a month would be hell for the two losers, but heaven for Scott and Wanda. Sam and Clint only owed Shuri a favor. They would help her regardless, but it was the principle that mattered.

 

“Yeah we get it you, three won.” Sam said with a pout as he turned off the screen. They had seen all they needed to see anyways.

 

“I'm gonna miss that dessert.” Sam said sadly.

 

“Me to pal. Me too.” They walked out, with Clint patting Sam on the shoulder. Victory or defeat, they were all happy for the two love birds.

 

-

 

“Because.. Because I love you!”

 

‘Did I hear that right? He loves me back?’ Bucky wondered. His eyes widened with surprise. He didn't expect him to fess up first. A million more thoughts raced through his mind in a instant. 'Maybe he's joking. It didn't sound like he was joking. He wasn't joking. He isn't they type to joke like this. When did he fall in love with me? Why would he tell me now? Why wouldn't he?’

 

Meanwhile, Steve only had one main, repeating thought on his mind: 'I fucked up.’ In hearing Bucky's silence and seeing his expression change from joyous to what Steve interpreted as discomfort, he felt like he ruined everything. He put his head down in shame. Part of him felt that he deserved this though, like it was for the best. And worse, he imagined that after this awkward dinner, him and Bucky drifting apart, slowly and slowly, eventually eventually becoming irrelevant to Bucky's life, and left alone in the crushing gravity of unrequited love. This love, like a rose, would invoke a  appreciation and admiration through the sole virtue of its mere existence, and would simultaneously stab and impale with its thorns, leaving him with a euphoric pain born from cruel beauty that would mercilessly strangle his heart like a constricting snake and joyously mend it so that it could be suffocated once more. Living life with that kind of emotion forever is the life Steve imagined. And then,

 

“I love you too.”

 

Hearing those words come from Bucky nearly made him cry from happiness. He picked his head up to look at him. He saw a Bucky as shy and embarrassed as him, though he tried to play it cool.

 

“And since you got to say ‘I love you’ first, how about I get the first kiss.”, he asked, still trying to play it cool despite the obvious. He moved a little closer to Steve, and felt the butterflies in his stomach.

 

“I think that can be arranged.” He moved a little closer too. He too, felt those uncontrollable butterflies in his stomach fluttering about.

 

Steve tilted his head, let Bucky lean in, and kiss him. It was the greatest euphoria he had ever felt, greater than walking out of that serum injector, cured of his ailments.He brought his hand up to Bucky's cheek and gently caressed it with his thumb, which brought a moan out of bucky. This intimate moment, once only dreamt of, was a catharsis that put decades of seemingly unrequited longing, fear, and guilt to rest, and brought forth a wave of warm and soft love mixed with a bit of pure and lustful ecstasy that washed over him. Though it only lasted seconds, it took his breath away, leaving him hungry for another kiss. He wanted to feel Bucky's lips against his again and again to feel that warmth and feel the intimate soft love and feel vulnerable for one in his life.

 

When Bucky leaned in to kiss Steve, he almost couldn't believe that it was happening. But that kiss was very real, and Bucky was very glad for that. It was the best thing he ever felt. Steve's lips against his was everything he wanted, imagined, and more. They didn't have the softness that a dame's lips had, but the slight roughness of Steve's lips and the feeling of the growing beard against his face made for a nice, intimate edge yearn for more contact like an adrenaline junky looking for their next rush. And boy oh boy did Steve deliver. He _moaned_ when Steve brought his hand up to his cheek to stroke it with his thumb. Bucky could felt like he could die a very happy man in that moment. He hadn't felt such intimacy in such a long time, and this level of intimacy was on a whole other level, so if moaned, he moaned.

 

He was so ready for more that he was about to wrap his arms around Steve and maybe get in some tongue action when Steve pulled away. The surprising lack of touch startled his eyes open. He was tempted ask Steve to kiss him again so he could feel that closeness again, but decided against it. It'd be embarrassing if someone were to walk by and catch them with their tongues in each other's mouths. Besides, he got to see Steve's pretty face in its entirety as he pulled away, and they'd have lots of time to have more fun and closely intimate moments later anyways. 'God I love this man.’

 

As Steve pulled away and opened his eyes, he found Bucky staring at him so intently and lovingly, it felt as if cupid shot another arrow into his heart with Bucky's name written all over it, leaving his love and lust for Bucky to spread through his body in greater magnitude.

 

“So, when did you find out that you love me?”, Bucky asked as be began to eat some of his food.

 

“I truly realized that some time after we split up from Wakanda, it crossed my mind when I found you sleeping on my arm one time, which was cute, and I was probably in love with you long before that.”

 

“God, you saw that? Me on your arm?”

 

“How could I forget? The guy I liked was sleeping adorably on my arm. Wouldn't trade the memory for the world.” Softness filled Steve's voice.

 

“You sap,” Bucky said embarrassed with a wide smile on his face. 'He thought I was cute!’ “Well you looked adorable when I was on your arm too! It could've been the same nap as you, but I really realized I loved you when I woke up one night and was using your arm as a pillow. You were asleep, and you looked so nice that I wanted to kiss you.”

 

“You should have, would've saved us a lot of time.”

 

“Ha! Yeah. But wanting to kiss you made me realize how much I wanted to be a part of your life, and for you to be a part of mine.”

 

Straight for the heart again. “I do want to be a part of your life, and I want you to be a part of my life. ‘Til the end of the line.’, remember?” Steve leaned in a little closer to Bucky.

 

“‘Til the end of the line.” Bucky leaned in to kiss Steve one more time.

 

A ended a bit quicker than the last, but that didn't matter. What mattered to them was that they finally could be so close and intimate to each other. They didn't have to dance around each other's feelings anymore, or be stuck in limbo with not knowing whether the other loved him like he did. It was freeing.

 

“I don't think I'll ever get tired of that.”

 

“I don't think I will either.”

 

They continued their conversation, steering I to other topics such as what they'd do in Wakanda while they were there, what do do after Wakanda maybe, how Scott, Wanda, Clint, and Sam were holding up, Bucky's goats, and more. They eventually finished their dinner, thanked their waiter, and proceeded to start their walk back to their living quarters and restart their conversation..

 

Eventually, their walk back took them through a park, where Bucky decided to ask the fun question: “Steve, does all this mean that we're boyfriends?”

 

Steve's stride faltered for a moment and his eyes widened in surprise and realization. He hadn't thought this far ahead, which was strange considering how he gay thoughts he had. He could say with confidence that they were boyfriends, but the thought that he has a boyfriend didn't cross his mind. He regained his composure and, he, unable to look at Bucky, shyly replied, “Yes, I suppose it does.”

 

“Good. I think I'm gonna like being your boyfriend.” Bucky, with a smile on his face, moved right next to Steve and laid his head on his shoulder, grabbing his hand to hold. He remembers how nice it was when a dame leaned on him like that, and figured Steve would appreciate the intimate gesture as well. He could see why they did it too. It felt calming.

 

Steve, meanwhile, nearly short-circuited. He could feel his face immediately reddened with a blush and if it weren't for the serum, his knees probably would have given out. This man was trying so hard to kill him with love. But hearing Bucky call him his boyfriend sent him over the moon with joy.

 

“I'm gonna like being your boyfriend too.”

 

He looked down to Bucky at his side to see him staring at him lovingly, erasing and feelings of shyness, embarrassment, and guilt,  and decided to kiss him. A quick peck on the lips that still meant the world to the both of them. They continued the rest of their walk home in silence, enjoying each other's quiet presence.

 

“After you.” Steve said as he held the door open for Bucky, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek as he passed. ‘I can definitely get used to this.’ he thought smugly as he caught up to Bucky to find him blushing. And also find Scott, Wanda, Clint, and Sam in the living room, having just witnessed the little kiss. Now they were both blushing with embarrassment.

 

“I can explain!” Steve said trying to do some damage control.

 

“Steve, Steve, it's alright. We all know you two love each other.” Sam told him calmly. It did help.

 

“Yeah. We _all_ know. I don't think there was anyone who didn't know but you two.” Wanda was right, and Steve and Bucky knew it.

 

“Ok, we might have been very obvious and very oblivious, but hey! We're boyfriends now!” Bucky's shout of affirmation was followed by the hoots of their friends. Steve was clapping, though he wasn't sure why. They decided that it was nice to have friends again.

 

“Soooo, tell us the details! Who confessed?”, Scott asked excitedly.

  


“Me. I told him I loved him, and I kissed him, and now he's my boyfriend.” Steve replied confidently. It felt so good to say call Bucky his boyfriend in front of others. Though he noticed a bit of disappointment in Sam and Clint's faces, and then heard Wanda and Scott chanting “We won! We won!”, while dancing victoriously.

 

“You guys placed a bet on us?!”

 

“I'm gonna miss that dessert.” Clint looked rather depressed as he said this.

 

“Me too.” Sam looked as equally depressed. Wakandan desserts were like a gift from the heavens, as they learned during their tour.

 

“Sam! You didn't vote for me? I thought we were friends?” Steve said jokingly, making and overdramatically hurt expression. It felt nice to have that kind of fun. It felt normal.

 

“Well, Princess Shuri, who betted on you too, actually requires our assistance, except for you two. She said you've helped her enough for today and thanks you.”

 

“Tell her that we said thanks, for everything.” Bucky called out as they walked out, with Wanda and Scott rubbing their victory in, and Sam and Clint still moping. How nice it felt to have some normalcy after so long.

 

“They all really bet on us, huh?” Steve asked in a bit of shock.

 

“Should I feel bad that only two of the five people voted for me?”, Bucky asked as he grabbed a drink for himself and Steve.

 

“Nah. If it's any consolation though, I would have voted for you.”

 

“You know, I was planning to ask first.”

 

“Don't worry, there will be plenty more first.” That devilish tone could end Bucky any day, and he'd be happy with that.

 

“What kind of first you thinkin’ about Captain?” Bucky tried to sound a bit seductive. Steve would say he succeeded.

 

“I don't know, how long do you think they'll be out?”

 

“Hmm.. About a couple hours maybe.”

 

“I'd say that's enough time to have a little fun and get you to do some firsts.”, Steve replied very seductively, pumped up on cockiness and desire. He pulled Bucky in a little closer, a lot closer really. Their bodies were pressed together, their faces inches apart, staring adoringly at each other.

 

“I’d say so too.” Bucky then went in for the kiss. This kiss was much more lustful than the previous, much more. He let his hands wander Steve's body, feeling every erotic inch he could find. And he had to say, Steve's ass certainly felt nicer than it looked. The moan that then came out of Steve's mouth was even nicer.

 

Steve, meanwhile was loving every moment of it. It was his first time doing something of this caliber. Every touch sparked a powerful feeling in him. And Bucky grabbing his ass sent him over the edge. Steve broke apart the kiss to ask, “How about we continue this in your room where you can show your captain what you're really made of?”

 

The absolutely sensual tone made Bucky's temperature rise even more.

 

“Sir yes sir.”, he replied enthusiastically. He led Steve into his room, and closed the door behind him.

 

-

 

Bucky was the first to wake up. He missed small Steve, but big Steve had his perks. For example, big Steve was a very nice big spoon, able to engulf his body in his warmth. The clock on his bed stand read 9:23, so he felt like he should have gotten up, but he felt too comfortable and didn't want to wake Steve, so just went back to sleep with a small smile and happy heart.

 

He woke up a little later. The clock read 10:47. He got up and tried to wake Steve up.

 

“Hey, sleepyhead, wake up it's 10:47.”

 

“Ten more minutes.”, he replied sleepily. Bucky thought he looked too cute, sprawled out on the bed now that they weren't cuddling, and couldn't deny his request.

 

“And come back to bed with me.” The bed did look comfortable, so Bucky rejoined him, laying down so he could face him. He couldn't go back to sleep, so he opted to stare at Steve's pretty face. He felt content, seeing his love resting peacefully. He thought about all the things he loved about Steve. His hair, his smile, his bravery, kindness, tenacity, how he was always there for him, his ass… and his determination too. Of course there was more he could think of, but by then, Steve shifted awake and turned to face him.

 

“I could tell that you were looking at me. So what were you thinking about?”

 

“About how much I love you.”

 

“Sap.”

 

“Punk.”

 

“Jerk.”

 

They both gave out a small laugh.

 

“You know Bucky, thanks, for being there for me and all that. And for loving me.”

 

“Then thanks, for doing the same for me. It was a long battle to get to this point, but at least we have each other now, closer than ever.”

  


“I love you, Steve.”

 

“I love you too, Bucky.”


End file.
